Am I in an unhealthy relationship?

My name is Gugu* and I just celebrated my 16th birthday with friends from school. My 25-year old boyfriend loves me so much that he spoils me with gifts and takes me to expensive restaurants. But he got very angry after my party because I was friendly with the girls and boys from school. He said I was ‘cheap’ and hit me so hard that my mouth bled. He was so sorry afterwards he said he didn’t know what came over him and was afraid that he would lose me. He apologised, bought me airtime and a new pair of jeans.


If 'love' hurts then it is not love at all, no matter what the reason for causing you pain. Stopping you from spending time with friends, being asked to ‘show your love by having sex’ and made to feel that hurting you is somehow your fault, are definite signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship. Remember that causing physical pain is hurting someone but name-calling, being sworn at, ignored and your partner refusing to wear a condom is hurtful too!


Love can be shown in so many ways that do not involve sex or money. Hugs, kissing and cuddling, holding hands, talking about the future are just a few ways...


A healthy relationship is one filled with love, kindness and respect. Respect for your partner and for yourself; so don’t accept being hurt or forced to do anything that you are not comfortable with.


So what do you think? Is Gugu* in an unhealthy relationship?

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B-Wise User Anonymous 20 November 2019 17:28

Hi gugu to tell you the truth,that boyfriend of yours doesn't love you because all he does is buying you nice things but they're only material things and he never loved you and he never gives you time,attention or love he's just taking advantage of you.All he does is buying you things just to have sex with you because he knows that you are not matured enough to stand up for yourself and tell him what is worng or right for your relationship .so gugu you are in a unhealthy relationship that doesn't have love and respect

B-Wise User Anonymous 30 October 2019 18:49

Hey.in 2013 I became pregnant the guy impregnated me denied and dumped me so I had to pin some other guy as I was dating 2 guys by that time,now the real father of my baby he has been asking about the child ever since I gave birth cos the child looks exactly like him the child has his resemblances now the guy has asked to be there for the child,he wants to build a relationship with the child.please help as I need to know how to handle this situation am afraid to tell the pined guy the truth cos he's too abusive am afraid if I tell him the truth about the child he might kill me and my child please help me.

B-Wise Expert Expert 2 November 2019 16:29

Hi there, thank you for your question. Remember, before you make any decision you must think about what is best for your child. If you feel that your partner may become abusive it would be best that you tell him in the presence of a trusted adult or you can ask a friend you trust to be there with you. 



B-Wise User Anonymous 16 October 2019 21:15

i cheated on my girlfriend and now everytime something bad she does she brings back the thing of cheating. She blames me and she even stood up her ex coz she wanted revenge from me and her

B-Wise Expert Expert 17 October 2019 10:46

Hi there, thank you for your question. Remember your girlfriend is hurting and still is emotionally damaged from the cheating experience. Give her time and space to heal



B-Wise User Anonymous 5 October 2019 15:19

Hey.around April I got back with my ex boyfriend. And had sex.on May I found out that I'm pregnant.i told him then he told me that I should terminate the child because he is in a relationship with her girlfriend and her girlfriend is about to give birth to his child. I tried to terminate the child at the Dr 2 times,he wasn't there to show some support physical and financially. Later I realised that the child didn't die. I told him then he suggested that I keep the child. Now I'm 6 months pregnant he says the child is not his child. And he won't destroy his relationship with his baby mama. When I tell my family I'm pregnant I should tell them not to even try to go claim at his family. So im scared to tell my family I'm pregnant and it's gett

B-Wise Expert Expert 7 October 2019 08:48

Hi there, thank you for your question. Sorry to hear about your difficult situation, at 6 months pregnant you need support from your friends and family it would be best that you are honest with them and tell them the truth



B-Wise User Anonymous 2 October 2019 12:23

Hi,Iâ??m Zama I am 23 years old (student) and my partner is 35 years weâ??ve been dating for 5 years. My boyfriend has.2 kids no munye omuntu. My concern is that my boyfriend is not working and I have to do yonke into nje nge rent and buying food etc, and when I tell him to apply for umsebenzi uyakwata ethi okwesikhathi esincane kuzolunga uzoba nayo imali just not now and athi yena he wonâ??t apply for a job heâ??s not in that stage sokuthi afune umsebenzi he want to start his own businesses akafuni ukusebenzela omunye Umuntu. Inkinga yami ukuthi this has been going on since last year and angiboni any changes ayikho imzamo ekhona. Heâ??ll ask me ukuthi ngenze I loan so he can start his business so mina angisazi nginenkinga - is this even normal? When I complain to him about our financial situation when I tell him about things I need heâ??ll say I like complaining and uthi He gets the sense that Iâ??m not a woman that can withstand challenges ngifuna ukumosha (He gets so angry). Angikwazi ukudla kahle imali yami I donâ??t get to enjoy my money kumele ngimcabangele.

B-Wise Expert Expert 8 October 2019 13:43

Hi there Zama, thank you for your question. It seems as through you are in a very difficult and confusing situation. It would be best that you talk to your partner about how you feel about not being able to enjoy your hard earned money. Remember it is important to be in a healthy relationship where both partners can contribute to the relationship. You can read this article to find out if you are in a healthy relationship or not https://bwisehealth.com/article/am-i-in-an-unhealthy-relationship



B-Wise User Anonymous 11 September 2019 18:48

Hi. Ngiyintombazanyana esencane ngineminyaka engu 22 umuntu engithandana naye he's 25 we've been together for 4 years now , kwakumnandi I relationship yethu isaqala kwahamba iskhashana he cheated and I decided to fogive him nova I thought he will change kuthe ngonyaka odlule waqala mange wangishaya mangimfakashele ngazama ukuhlukana Gaye Kodak ngabon ukut ngisamthanda ngaxola kuthe kusenjalo ngaqala ngagula ngiphathwa isinye discharge yam seyinuka ngigula .... kuye kwaya I discovered that usekhulelisile wabanengane kodwa ngithando enginalo ngaphinda ngaxola ngoba wathembisa ukuthi ukwenzekile kwakuliphutha Sihambe isikhathi ngikhuluma nje kumanje akusekho mnandi sihlezi ngokulwa sengisaba nokumvakashela nova uyangishaya angilimaze ken wangishaya ngavalekaa I so wangishaya indlebe yami kumanje ayizwa kahle cela usizo ngiphuma kanjani la abgisaluboni uthando kodwa uyangilandela okubgiphatha kabi akasangifoneli I'm the one omfonelayo , mangimtshela ngezinto azenzayo ezingiphatha kabi ulwanami athi phela I busy kepha mangithi kungcono sehlukane akafuni okungihkukumeza more after ethics umnntwana wathi uzoshibtsha kepha usaqhubeka uyajola mangimbamba u blame mina Kwenziwa njani makunje???

B-Wise Expert Expert 22 September 2019 18:43

Sawubona, usundlule kokuningi kulobudlelwane bakho. Kona kunzima ukuhlukana nomuntu othandana naye kodwa uma ekuhlukumeza emoyeni akusiyo into enhle. Ziningi izinyathelo ongazithatha ukuze uthole usizo, ungaya emaphoyisemi ucele bakuvikele ngokukunikeza I phepha elimuphocela ukuthi angasondel duze nawe. Ungashinsha inombolo yakho yocingo ukuze angakutholi mekufonela noma ungayohlala nabantu obathembayo abazokweseka . Kuko konkhe okwenzano, uciniseke ukuthi uhlale uphephile njalo. Ongathola nosizo ngokufonela 0800 428 428, noma *120* 7867# or thumela umlayezo (SMS) othi “help” ku 31531.



B-Wise User Dintle 11 September 2019 13:25

My dear it's too obvious that your relationship is unhealthy.If you want to leave just leave,he has no say in your decision making over him

B-Wise Expert Expert 12 September 2019 11:03

Gugu can learn about dealing with a breakup here https://bwisehealth.com/article/how-to-deal-with-a-breakup



B-Wise User Anonymous 9 September 2019 19:30

Hi I HV been in a relationship for any 4years I recently found out the guy is dating other 15 gals n am preg I tried to talk to him abt his behaviors bt he doesn't change infact he just continue living his life like nothing is wrong

B-Wise Expert Expert 17 September 2019 10:57

Hi there, thank you for your question. That must be a really difficult situation for you. You can try couples couselling if your partner is willing to do that. 



B-Wise User Mmatsatsi1960 9 September 2019 18:54

Gugu is in an abusive relationship. She must leave the guy, because he'll repeat the very same thing or even worse.

B-Wise User Anonymous 31 August 2019 18:56

Hi Gugu thanks for your question. My dear you are not in a healthy relationship, because that guy cannot allow you to spend time with your school mates. If he really loves he mustn't hit you and buy gifts to apologise,infact i believe he is using you. Because you love him try to talk to him. Explain that you not happy with his behaviour, if nothing changes you can even leave him always remember you are a CEO of your life. However, try to focus on your studies and make the best person you wish to be.

B-Wise User Anonymous 25 August 2019 14:54

Hi, I'm Patienc, still schooling in grade 11 and I'm 16 years old, I'm dating a 24 years old man I truly love him and he truly love me but I have some douts him based on the conversation with him and other girls but he always tells me how truly he loves me and we always talks about our future, he always tell me to finish school and after schooling he wants 2 kids and he wants to build future with me so I think I'm in healthy relationship So what do you think of me guys?

B-Wise Expert Expert 26 August 2019 11:07

Hi thank you for your question. NEVER put yourself down. Keep trying to finish school. If you have doubts about your partner you should talk to him about it, remember trust is a big part of a relationship.



B-Wise User Anonymous 21 August 2019 10:52

There was a guy "he passed away weeks ago" he deeply wanted to be in a relationship with me and I never gave him a chance he tried so I didn't care,he passed away few weeks back and now I can't sleep nor sleep I think of him every second I now love him deep I even fantasy my life with him even on my dreams..I think I'm getting mad now,I live things hanging and sit down and imagine me and him what could've happen and become happy after..I'm talking alone as if I'm with him..how do I let him go without doing even more stupid things

B-Wise Expert Expert 22 August 2019 18:12

Hi, so sorry to hear that things have happened this way. Whether you loved him before or not, it sounds like a part of you did care for him, and that you really miss him. Sometimes we only realise how we feel about someone when they’re gone. And maybe this is a way of realising what you really want in a relationship.

There’s no right or wrong way to deal with grief, and sometimes grief makes us feel strange or do strange things. It’s only a few weeks since this guy passed away, so give yourself some time to make sense of it. It’s OK to be sad and think about him.

If you find this issue is stopping your from living your life, getting in the way of your work or studies, or affecting your other relationships, it’s a good idea to speak to someone about your feelings. A trusted adult, a counsellor or psychologist can help.

 



B-Wise User Anonymous 9 August 2019 13:59

Gugu is in an unhealthy relationship because her boyfriend may be sorry yes but he have already shown signs of abuse .

B-Wise Expert Expert 11 August 2019 12:13

Yes that is true 



B-Wise User Matomane 5 August 2019 16:40

Gugu must leave that boyfriend and move on with her life ð???ð???

B-Wise User Anonymous 4 August 2019 21:13

Gugu is in unhealthy relationship

B-Wise User Luvo 3 August 2019 11:37

Gugu is definitely in an unhealthy relationship,she should consider getting some distance away from him and getting a protection order from the police.

B-Wise User Anonymous 1 August 2019 22:27

yes

B-Wise Expert Expert 5 August 2019 09:16

Thank you for the feedback



B-Wise User Anonymous 21 April 2019 08:38

She is in an unhealthy relationship

B-Wise User Slender-Baep 17 April 2019 14:29

No she's not in a healthy relationship.

B-Wise User MissDingila 17 April 2019 11:34

Yess Gugu is in an unhealthy relationship

B-Wise User Nanah 12 April 2019 15:40

Gugu must leave that boyfriend because he beat her just because she was celebrating birthday with her friends. Don't be bribe my gift airtime think about your life. One he will kill you

B-Wise User Anonymous 26 December 2018 14:42

Oooh indeed

B-Wise User Anonymous 21 12 December 2018 22:21

Unhealthy relationship....