Help & Support: Relationships & Family

If things seem to be going wrong in your relationships or family life - including violence in the home or child abuse - then it's time to get help.

  • Stop Gender Violence helpline 24hrs: 0800 150 150
  • Gender-based violence call centre: 0800 428 428 (or *120*7867#)
  • Child Welfare South Africa: 0861 452 4110 (to report abuse or neglect)
  • Police emergency: 10111
  • Police (report a crime): 0860 010 111
  • National ambulance emergency: 01777 (or 112 on a cellphone)


Help and support from Childline: Find your province

  • Childline National Hotline: 08000 55555
  • Childline Eastern Cape: 041 484 1070
  • Childline Gauteng: 011 4841070
  • Childline KwaZulu Natal: 031 312 0904
  • Childline North West: 018 299 1940
  • Childline Western Cape: 021 461 1113
  • Free State: 051 401 2208


Help and support for family and relationships

If your family is affected by HIV, call the National Aids Helpline on 0800 012 322 or HIVSA on 011 494 1900

  • Family and Marriage Association of South Africa (FAMSA): 0119757106/7
  • FAMSA Bloemfontein: 051 525 2395
  • FAMSA Cape Town: 021 447 7951
  • FAMSA Dullstroom: 013 254 0158
  • FAMSA Durban: 031 202 8987
  • FAMSA East London: 043 743 8277
  • FAMSA Johannesburg: 011833 2057/8
  • FAMSA Kimberley: 053 872 2644
  • FAMSA Port Elizabeth: 041 585 9393
  • FAMSA Potchefstroom: 018 293 2272/2297
  • FAMSA Secunda 017 631 1593
  • FAMSA Soweto: 011 933 1301
  • FAMSA Tzaneen 015 307 4833


SA Social Security Agency (SASSA) Helpline: 0800 601 011

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B-Wise User Anonymous 14 December 2018 23:06

Hi. I am 29 and mother of 10 months old boy.i live with my boyfriend(not married?when the relationship start he said all the things i wanted to hear but now i realise he is not living up to his promises.like he said he dont drink,he dont have baby mamas drama ,which is not true.they dont respect our relationship.they can call even late at night and he tells me he has no control over when they should call.but i tell him he should tell them to call in appropriate hours.by the way its 3 baby mamas .my child is the 4th.hes life is a mess.drowning in debts with loarnsharks and he seems not prepared to get his life 8n order.i dont know if i will get married anytime soon.beside all that he was never there for pregnancy.i was all alone while hes busy boozing around with girls.evn now i am alone and tired taking care of the baby whereby evn on weekends he has no time to spare a day and b with the child.i complained about it to a point he hit me 2weeks back and i still has scars from it.at 1st he said i pushed him to it talking as if he dont know the damage he did.then i showed him the pics.that when he started apologising.i was sure i wanted out,he said he is sorry he will neva do it again.which is a 2nd time.b4 it was a slap while pregnant due to cheating.i dont think i have forgiven him,he evn envited 1 of his baby to visit him.he has no time for her,its my load to take care of her while my own child is overwhelming me and his not assisting me busy with friends.i am not evn making any effort to connect with the child.i dont know if its because i am angry at him or bcos he said he doubts its his daughter and the mom is refusing to do dna test.i want out and i dont have the courage to go home.i dont know if its fear of being alone with the child while unemployed and or going home to poverty condition evn when i know i am not happy in the relationship.worse when i tell his family.its like even them they are unable to reprimand him.i am tired emotionally by overthinking with no1 to talk with not evn my family knows what am going through.they think i am happy with a loving boyfriend cause when they call i act happy.

Thank you for your question. We have sent it to an expert and will get back to you within 48 hours with a response.
B-Wise User Anonymous 12 December 2018 17:32

I have been in a relationship with this lady for 3 years. She is everything that I need in a woman but while we were on holiday she disclosed that she is HIV positive and ended the relationship. I still love her and she says I must move on and find someone who can give me a family. I don't want that and I want to be with her. Should I move on? I am HIV negative and when she told me her status I told her it's not the end of the world. It's been 6 months now but I am still hurting. We talk almost every day. I would appreciate your opinion.

Thank you for your question. We have sent it to an expert and will get back to you within 48 hours with a response.
B-Wise User Anonymous 10 December 2018 18:31

M going through some hectic staff m pregnant with my first child and I thought my boyfriend will be more supportive as he promised me to but now he's dating a young girl who has a son and he's supporting her than me i don't know what to do m angry i don't have anyone to talk to can i please get help i can afford to lose my baby due to stress

Thank you for your question. We have sent it to an expert and will get back to you within 48 hours with a response.
B-Wise User Anonymous 9 December 2018 16:28

I am going through a situation even thinking of taking my oeb life, I have been in a relation with my boyfriend for 10 years but things aren't going good as we bring the worst in each other and fight everyday, he blames me for everything and threatens to kill Mr if I were to leave him, I fear for my life and I have no one else Now it's bad cos I can't tell him how I feel as it always end physical, I have met someone else and he is all I could ever thin of right now, but I cannot be with him because I'm in fear of my boyfriend and the threats he keeps throwing at me now I'm still with him though I'm not even happy ..something says we've been together for long for me to just go and that I should give myself time to love him again and forget about the one I have just met.

B-Wise Expert Expert 11 December 2018 13:52

Dear Anonymous. Seems like you are going through a challenging situation. If you feel that this is not the best situation for you, it’s best you do what’s best for you. Moving on it not easy especially when you have shared many years with your partner but it’s also not impossible. Remember that suicide is never an option because the situations we go through in life are not permanent. You can speak to a counsellor or someone you trust, who can support and give you some guidance. This health article will also give you some contact details of who you can call for help; Help & Support: Relationships & family. You can also read this article Am I in an unhealthy relationship to help you make your decision.




B-Wise User Anonymous 7 December 2018 15:38

I am a 40 year old female, grown up as I am I am not immune to the challenges of life...my mother and I have very difficult relationship, I should have left the house and living on my own but its not easy in this economy when you're and unemployed single mother, my mother swears at me and becomes physical, even when I say nothing back to her, this is constant an has been going on for years, she is the only parent I have and I'd hate to loose our relationship. Please assist with a social worker or help in Pretoria and surrounds...

B-Wise Expert Expert 11 December 2018 11:01

Dear Anonymous. Challenges we face in life can be overwhelming, however this does not mean we should lose hope or give up. It’s sad that your mother is choosing to treat you in a disappointing and hurtful way. If you can gather up enough courage, let her know that it is hurtful to you to hear her speak badly about you. Just remember what your mother says is not your fault - it is her choice to say what she wants. If you find it difficult to communicate with her, you can speak to a counsellor or someone you trust, who can support and give you some guidance. This health article will give you some contact details of who you can call for help; Help & Support: Relationships & family.




B-Wise User Anonymous 6 December 2018 22:53

My boyfriend has a female colleague and to my surprise his colleague put his picture on her wall paper. I don't know how to ask him Please help

B-Wise Expert Expert 10 December 2018 14:39

Dear Anonymous. Open, honest, safe communicating is a key ingredient in a health relationship. Talk to your partner about your concerns and maybe he will be able to make sense of what you have seen. You can read our article Talking to your partner: How to make it easier for tips on how to make it easier to talk to your partner.




B-Wise User Anonymous 6 December 2018 22:51

Hey

B-Wise User Anonymous 6 December 2018 21:59

Hey i was in the relationship with this guy for 3 years and I have a child with him and our child is 3 month now. When my chil was 2 months i found out that he has a child outside and i find out that he lied with a lot of things. Gosh i am so hurt, I think of anything but to just die the pain is just too much.

B-Wise Expert Expert 10 December 2018 12:56

Dear Anonymous. It seems like you are going through a lot of emotions. We understand you must feel hurt, betrayed and let down right now but remember you are stronger than you think. Take some time to accept your situation and once you feel ready, talk through how you’re going to deal with the situation and ask questions from your partner. You can also speak to a counsellor or someone you trust, who can support and give you some guidance. This health article will also give you some contact details of who you can call for help; Help & Support: Mental Health & Substance Abuse. You can also read this article Am I in an unhealthy relationship. Always remember that you are not alone, reaching out and building support is key to helping you.




B-Wise User Anonymous 6 December 2018 19:46

Hey I recently lost my partner,the father of my kid he was shot, I feel so depressed and I lost hope in everything I don't know what to do, can you please help me on what to do.

B-Wise Expert Expert 8 December 2018 16:28

Dear Anonymous. Dealing with death, particularly the death of someone you love, is one of the most stressful experiences you can go through. Grief is a natural, expected response to loss and affects everyone differently. When you are grieving you will have physical, emotional, mental and spiritual feelings that will go away over time without treatment. There is no set time when grieving is over. It’s important to surround yourself with positive people that can help through the process.

Grief and depression both have the ability to turn life upside down and not easy to deal with, we would recommend getting help by seeing a counsellor or a psychologist at your local clinic who will be able to help. You can use our Clinic Finder to help you find a clinic near to you. You can also read our article Feeling sad all the time? You could be depressed and Grief and depression- what's the difference? for more information about grief and depression.




B-Wise User Anonymous 4 November 2018 22:25

I am in a relationship with a guy who is 3 years older than me,but he is not the same anymore its like he has lost interest in me...what must I do?

B-Wise Expert Expert 5 November 2018 10:19

Hi there Boits, thank you for your question. You and your partner have been together for some time now. Communication is the most important thing to make your relationship work, even if you have been together for some time. Try talking to your partner about how you feel and he may tell you exactly what he is feeling. Good luck !



B-Wise User Anonymous 4 November 2018 16:56

Good day I need support I'm not coping my partner has just left me and the kids and he just doesn't want to try and fix things so I'm alone looking after our kids swing him everyday makes me juat want to die I nolonger enjoy anything in life I just wake up and sleep the only time I'm not in pain I guess it's only when im sleeping besides that im juat hurting so badly I just want to give up in life.

B-Wise Expert Expert 5 November 2018 11:28

Hi there ZEELOVE, thank you for your question. You seem to be going through a lot right now, remember you are stronger than you think. If you need help and you need support there are people who are available to talk to you. You can read this article to find out who you can call for help Help & Support: Mental Health & Substance Abuse



B-Wise User Anonymous 4 November 2018 16:10

Hi, I have an issue with my partner. He Nevers wants to see when his wrong, he always wants to blame me for everything. I sometimes feel like his compering me with someone. Nothing I do is never right in his eyes.i have realised that communication on his side is very poor, he only communicates with me only when he wants to complain, shout or put me down. I am at a point now that I want to leave the relationship but I am not sure. How

B-Wise Expert Expert 5 November 2018 10:48

Hi Ayomiwandile, thank you for your question. Remember communication is the most important in any relationship. You can check out this article that will help you make a better decision Am I in an unhealthy relationship? 



B-Wise User Anonymous 31 August 2018 17:06

Thnx will do cause it is true i need to love myself first and another thing is that i am pregnant with his child but i have not told him and im not planning on doing so

B-Wise Expert Expert 1 September 2018 11:02

Hey there, its important that you do what is best for you and your baby at this stage.



B-Wise User Anonymous 31 August 2018 14:38

Thanks bt the problem lies here i dont think he will talk to me because he has a huge ego my only problem is that i want to leave him bt how do u leave a person u love

B-Wise Expert Expert 31 August 2018 15:58

Hi T.d. If you and your partner won’t be able to communicate, that makes it really hard for the two of you to solve any problem. Love is important, but it’s not enough to keep a relationship alive. You also need things like trust, respect and communication. It’s never going to be easy to leave someone you love, and if you decide to leave, there will be tough days… but remember, it’s important to love yourself first. Make the decision to love yourself and know that you are worthy of love and respect. Get support from people who give you that.



B-Wise User Anonymous 31 August 2018 09:55

Hi i need help my boyfriend and i had a heated arguement and the following day he came with a girl and the girl stayed over for one night i love him i dont know wwhat to do

B-Wise Expert Expert 31 August 2018 10:34

Hi T.d, thank you for your question. That is a very difficult situation to be in! Remember, trust and communication are important parts of any relationship. It’s important to be clear, with yourself and your boyfriend, what you’re OK with and what you’re not. If you’re not OK with your partner letting another girl sleep over, it’s important that you tell him how you feel about it. Talk with him about whether he wants to be in this relationship and work on it. If he does, then try to agree about what is OK in your relationship and what is not. It helps if you both listen and try to understand where the other person is coming from. Read this article to find more tips on how to talk to your partner about difficult situations. 



B-Wise User Anonymous 25 April 2018 23:10

Hello , Am a Lady and HIV+ I have been on ARVS since 2015 and recently just met this guy that i Love so much and we have already spent a few times together and had sex using a condom now how do I tell the guy that am HIV+ bare in mind i dont know his status , do i have to tell him yet ? Am taking my meds on time but am scared what if i tell him then he leaves me, is it that wiser to disclose your status to every guy u meet? Confused.

B-Wise Expert Expert 12 May 2018 14:15

Hi there, thank you for your question. It  seems as though you are really confused. Its great that you and your partner are both using condoms when you have sex. Remember condoms are your best protection against HIV, STIs and unplanned pregnancies. 

Well done for taking your medication on time! It is best that you tell your partner your HIV status especially if you do not know his status.This way he will be able to protect himself as well. It is wise to disclose your status to every guy you have sex with, so you both can protect yourselves. 

Read this article to help you make the right decision Dating when you’re HIV-positive




B-Wise User Anonymous 2 January 2018 18:54

Hi am gay but i dont want to show it publicly coz am scared people will judge me and my parents wont accept it what should i do?

B-Wise Expert Expert 2 January 2018 20:02

Hi there,

Thank you for your question.

Please check our article on: How do I get my family to accept my sexuality or identity?

Kindly click on the link below:

http://bit.ly/sexual_identity

PS: We're here for you.

Best regards,

B-Wise Team.




B-Wise User Anonymous 7 September 2017 20:01

Im gay. Perants is religeos. On the point of suicide.

B-Wise Expert Expert 7 September 2017 20:54

Hi Cathyj

We hear that you're feeling desperate right now. We can't control how your family feels about your sexuality, but you're not alone and there is help out there. If you feel like you want to hurt yourself or have done anything to hurt yourself, tell someone you trust and ask them to go with you to the closest hospital. If there's no one around you who you can tell, Lifeline has counsellors available to talk anytime - call 0861 322 322. SADAG also has a 24 hour counselling line (call 0800 12 13 14) and a suicide hotline (call 0800 567 567) or SMS 31393 and they'll call you back). Suicide is not the only option - your life and your future are worth saving.

Sincerely,

B-Wise team



B-Wise User katleho 27 June 2017 18:48

I have been bulled by my blood brother for the thing that i don't remember where our aunty works.When i told them they say i am liar so kakopo kopa le nthuse even le papa waq ha batle ho nthusa?

B-Wise Expert Expert 29 June 2017 12:46

Hi Katleho,  it’s really hard to be bullied, and even harder when no one is helping you. Bullying and abuse is never OK. If there’s another adult in your life you trust, like a teacher, social worker or doctor, you can ask them for advice. If there’s no one you can talk to, call Childline on 08000 55 555 and they will be able to help you. If you’re scared for your safety, report it immediately at your closest police station.