Sex on the mind: are you ready?

Thinking about having sex?

There is a lot of pressure to have sex when you are young. You might see it happening on TV or your friends may tell you that they're having sex (sometimes even if they're not). Your boyfriend/girlfriend may even be asking you to have it.

Sexual feelings are the feelings of wanting to have sex, and usually our bodies are ready for sex long before our minds and emotions.




There are a few important things to think about to check if you are really ready to have sex:


How does your boyfriend/girlfriend feel about having sex?

How honest is your relationship - have you talked about it openly and honestly? Have you asked them?


Are you feeling pressured to have sex?

Do you feel that you can say no or change your mind at any time?


Are you pressuring someone else to have sex?


Are you old enough, emotionally and according to the law?

In South Africa, the law states that you can only consent (agree) to sex if you are 16 years or older.


Are you prepared?

Do you know how to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancy?

Have you thought about contraception?

Do you have condoms?



Whatever you decide, remember— it’s your decision so think about it!


If you decide to have sex, speak to your doctor, nurse or counsellor about what contraception and protection you are going to use make sex safe. You need to protect yourself and your partner from HIV and sexually transmitted infections and an unwanted pregnancy.

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Anonymous 12 February 2018 17:28

Hi...what causes a personnot to feel pleasure in penetration sex. i do enjoy oral sex, have no history of sexual abuse, no sti's or other infections . I feel a little bit of pain at first then a feel like im going to fart or poop

B-Wise Expert Expert 14 February 2018 09:13

The way you’re going to get the most pleasure is from touching or stimulating your clitoris. The clitoris is a lot more sensitive than the inside of your vagina. If you haven’t done it before, try different ways of touching it (alone or with a partner) to see what feels good. Many women don’t orgasm during penetrative sex, and often when they do, the clitoris is involved – so if you can, try to find a way to make your clitoris feel good during sex. Pleasure during sex can also be about feeling close and turned on by your partner, so it also helps to make sure you trust them, and explore different ways to do foreplay. Relax, take all the time you need and have fun!



Anonymous 12 February 2018 17:21

What causes the need to poop during penetration when having sex.

B-Wise Expert Expert 13 April 2018 10:50

Hi thank you for your question.  The feeling of wanting to poop during intercourse is normal.  There are many reasons for this as the vagina and rectum are very close together. 

The first possible reason is that the anal tissues, much like the genitals, become filled with blood when you are aroused, and this may give the sensation of needing to use the bathroom. 

Another reason can be because of the pressure being placed on the rectum (bum)  because of the position of your partner’s penis 

 Together with this, some women also have a retroverted uterus, which means that the uterus is tilted backwards towards the rectum as opposed to towards the belly.  This may cause  pressure on the rectum as well during sex.  You don't have to worry,  you can try different positions and go to the bathroom before sex to make yourself feel more comfortable. 



Anonymous 9 February 2018 09:25

birth control pills are to prevent pregnancy ,not hiv

B-Wise Expert Expert 20 April 2018 09:38

Hi thank you for your feedback.



Weza 27 November 2017 17:15

The nurse at the clinic said his asexual!!! Does that mean he does not have a gender, a genitalia or is he a virgin??? I was tooo shy to ask please help!!!!!

B-Wise Expert Expert 28 November 2017 11:21

Thank you for your interesting question. Asexual means that a person is not attracted to men or women. It’s a sexual orientation, like being straight or gay. Being asexual doesn’t mean anything about someone’s genitalia or their gender, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have sex (although they may choose not to). 



BWise Moderators 20 March 2017 08:03

Pontsho asked a question on facebook: Hi Pontsho, thanks for asking. It is your choice when you have sex, and no one else's. If you don't feel ready, that's OK - you will know when you are. If you feel safe to, you can let your boyfriend know how you're feeling, and talk about waiting until you are both ready. There are many things couples can do together besides sex that still feel great.

B-Wise Expert Expert 20 April 2018 10:14

It is your choice when you have sex, and no one else's. If you don't feel ready, that's OK - you will know when you are. If you feel safe to, you can let your boyfriend know how you're feeling, and talk about waiting until you are both ready. There are many things couples can do together besides sex that still feel great. 



Thabiso 25 August 2015 15:24

Having sex with the wrong partner. feeels like am cheating myself

Awoshkins 22 August 2015 09:23

Its the first I'm hearing about legal saexual age. Infect young people especialy in primary schools they need to know the legal age to start engaging in sexual intercourse.

Anonymous 21 August 2015 17:11

If u dont have a feelings any more.does have something wrong in your emotionally?

yoyo 21 August 2015 17:08

This comment has been deleted by a moderator.