Sex on the mind: are you ready?

Thinking about having sex?

There is a lot of pressure to have sex when you are young. You might see it happening on TV or your friends may tell you that they're having sex (sometimes even if they're not). Your boyfriend/girlfriend may even be asking you to have it.

Sexual feelings are the feelings of wanting to have sex, and usually our bodies are ready for sex long before our minds and emotions.

There are a few important things to think about to check if you are really ready to have sex:

How does your boyfriend/girlfriend feel about having sex?

How honest is your relationship - have you talked about it openly and honestly? Have you asked them?

Are you feeling pressured to have sex?

Do you feel that you can say no or change your mind at any time?

Are you pressuring someone else to have sex?

Are you old enough, emotionally and according to the law?

In South Africa, the law states that you can only consent (agree) to sex if you are 16 years or older.

Are you prepared?

Do you know how to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancy?

Have you thought about contraception?

Do you have condoms?

Whatever you decide, remember— it’s your decision so think about it!

If you decide to have sex, speak to your doctor, nurse or counsellor about what contraception and protection you are going to use make sex safe. You need to protect yourself and your partner from HIV and sexually transmitted infections and an unwanted pregnancy.

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B-Wise User Babyoctober 17 July 2020 22:53

Hey I'm 16 ...sometimes I feel like I'm ready to have sex and sometimes I freak out while thinking about it Is it normal? And am I ready for sex?

B-Wise Expert Expert 21 July 2020 17:57


What you are feeling is completely normal. Only you can tell if you are ready to have sex but you must have no doubts in your mind.

B-Wise User Anonymous 3 July 2020 00:07

I'm 14 years old and I think I'm now ready to break my virginity what advice do you have

B-Wise Expert Expert 3 July 2020 12:43

Hi there,

Please read this:

B-Wise User Anonymous 30 June 2020 16:04

Hi.... does a 14 year old have access to condoms

B-Wise Expert Expert 30 June 2020 17:13


Yes, a 14 year old can get condoms

B-Wise User Anonymous 26 June 2020 20:51

Hi...I have never had sex before until now with my boyfriend and I don't know if I'm pregnant or sick but I haven't started my periods

B-Wise Expert Expert 28 June 2020 16:17


The only way to find out for sure is to get a pregnancy test or go to the clinic or doctor to get checked

B-Wise User Anonymous 25 June 2020 19:07

Hi How do gays have sex because they both men and how do they produce a baby because they both produce sperms so am so confused about this ð??¶ð?¤?

B-Wise Expert Expert 26 June 2020 16:40

Hi there,

Gay people have anal sex. A gay couple needs to get help from a woman when they want a baby 

B-Wise User Anonymous 21 June 2020 21:35

Is it unhealthy for you to have sex every day or should you do it 1 or 2 a week

B-Wise Expert Expert 22 June 2020 15:06


How many times you have sex is up to you. 

B-Wise User Anonymous 19 May 2020 14:16

Hi doc I was told that gay people get hiv after having sex...even if both of the men who are having sex do not have hiv,even if they use a this true

B-Wise Expert Expert 19 May 2020 16:07


This is not true at all. Gay people are like people who are not gay. If one partner has HIV then they can pass it on to the other. If they are both negative then they won't pass on HIV to each other.

B-Wise User Anonymous 13 May 2020 18:29

Am lazy when comes to sex ..I always feel tired wat must I do

B-Wise Expert Expert 14 May 2020 13:33


You must only have sex when you want to and are feeling comfortable. Sex should excite you and not bore you.

B-Wise User Anonymous 8 May 2020 23:34

Hi doc I'm scared to ask a girl to be my girlfriend how should I ask

B-Wise Expert Expert 10 May 2020 14:05

Hi there,

The important thing is that you talk to her in private and explain to her how you feel. You must also respect her response.

B-Wise User Anonymous 8 May 2020 23:31

Hi doc I think I am ready to have sex but I'm scared I might make her pregnant

B-Wise Expert Expert 10 May 2020 14:04

Hi there,

Read this article for guidance: 

You also need to talk to your partner to make sure she is on contraceptives and also make sure you use a condom.

B-Wise User Anonymous 19 April 2020 14:33

Hi I think that i am ready to have a sexual relationship with my bf. He has been patient and understanding throughout our relationship. The problem is that recently when we were about to take our relationship to the next level and have sex. I somewhat felt scared and a bit uncomfortable and just backed out. My question is what can be the reason for this and how can i stop feeling uncomfortable and scared and just muster courage because i really think that am ready

B-Wise Expert Expert 20 April 2020 11:52

Hi there,

It is very important to be patient with yourself when it comes to having sex. If you are still backing away then maybe you aren't 100% ready even if you think you are. I advise you to wait a little more and think about your decison.

Also read this to find out more about contraceptives. When you do have sex, please use a condom.

B-Wise User Anonymous 12 February 2018 19:28

Hi...what causes a personnot to feel pleasure in penetration sex. i do enjoy oral sex, have no history of sexual abuse, no sti's or other infections . I feel a little bit of pain at first then a feel like im going to fart or poop

B-Wise Expert Expert 14 February 2018 11:13

The way you’re going to get the most pleasure is from touching or stimulating your clitoris. The clitoris is a lot more sensitive than the inside of your vagina. If you haven’t done it before, try different ways of touching it (alone or with a partner) to see what feels good. Many women don’t orgasm during penetrative sex, and often when they do, the clitoris is involved – so if you can, try to find a way to make your clitoris feel good during sex. Pleasure during sex can also be about feeling close and turned on by your partner, so it also helps to make sure you trust them, and explore different ways to do foreplay. Relax, take all the time you need and have fun!

B-Wise User Anonymous 12 February 2018 19:21

What causes the need to poop during penetration when having sex.

B-Wise Expert Expert 13 April 2018 12:50

Hi thank you for your question.  The feeling of wanting to poop during intercourse is normal.  There are many reasons for this as the vagina and rectum are very close together. 

The first possible reason is that the anal tissues, much like the genitals, become filled with blood when you are aroused, and this may give the sensation of needing to use the bathroom. 

Another reason can be because of the pressure being placed on the rectum (bum)  because of the position of your partner’s penis 

 Together with this, some women also have a retroverted uterus, which means that the uterus is tilted backwards towards the rectum as opposed to towards the belly.  This may cause  pressure on the rectum as well during sex.  You don't have to worry,  you can try different positions and go to the bathroom before sex to make yourself feel more comfortable. 

B-Wise User Anonymous 9 February 2018 11:25

birth control pills are to prevent pregnancy ,not hiv

B-Wise Expert Expert 20 April 2018 11:38

Hi thank you for your feedback.

B-Wise User Weza 27 November 2017 19:15

The nurse at the clinic said his asexual!!! Does that mean he does not have a gender, a genitalia or is he a virgin??? I was tooo shy to ask please help!!!!!

B-Wise Expert Expert 28 November 2017 13:21

Thank you for your interesting question. Asexual means that a person is not attracted to men or women. It’s a sexual orientation, like being straight or gay. Being asexual doesn’t mean anything about someone’s genitalia or their gender, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have sex (although they may choose not to). 

B-Wise User BWise Moderators 20 March 2017 10:03

Pontsho asked a question on facebook: Hi Pontsho, thanks for asking. It is your choice when you have sex, and no one else's. If you don't feel ready, that's OK - you will know when you are. If you feel safe to, you can let your boyfriend know how you're feeling, and talk about waiting until you are both ready. There are many things couples can do together besides sex that still feel great.

B-Wise Expert Expert 20 April 2018 12:14

It is your choice when you have sex, and no one else's. If you don't feel ready, that's OK - you will know when you are. If you feel safe to, you can let your boyfriend know how you're feeling, and talk about waiting until you are both ready. There are many things couples can do together besides sex that still feel great. 

B-Wise User Thabiso 25 August 2015 17:24

Having sex with the wrong partner. feeels like am cheating myself

B-Wise User Awoshkins 22 August 2015 11:23

Its the first I'm hearing about legal saexual age. Infect young people especialy in primary schools they need to know the legal age to start engaging in sexual intercourse.

B-Wise User Anonymous 21 August 2015 19:11

If u dont have a feelings any more.does have something wrong in your emotionally?